UP up & away.......... .. again ...

Here i am making a resolution to write more on my blog .
Ok i forgot to make my unnecessary rambling of the day yesterday for that i will make up for it by writting 2 today!

I've just been back for 3 weeks and i am off to dodgy dirty China again.
Ok ok...i am sure China has its pretty sights too but sadly i only ever go to GuangZhou where its dirty polluted smelly and polluted. Apparentl breathing in the air a day is equivalent to smoking like 5 ciggies a day, if thats the case, why would anyone quit smoking ?

I hate this feeling i get before i have to leave Penang again.
Not knowing when i will be back next.
Not knowing exactly what i am supposed to do there.
Wing it!
Nowadays there are just lotsa "dunnos" in my life.

I dunno where i see myself in 1 year, 5 years or 10 years.

I dont think i can take this instability in my life anymore.

I mean i can do the fly here fly there blah blah thing but i cant not know where i see my future.
How can a person carry on the everyday blindly not knowing where they are heading?
But thats what i've been doing though, i just go with the flow and before i knowit 2007 is almost over.
I dun want my life just to pass me by with me just going with the flow waiting for something to happen.
What if nothing happens?
What if it happens and i dun even know it and i just keep on waiting?

I know i sound like i am complaining, maybe i am, but this so i merely have an outlet. I go days weeks months without thinking bout my current job and where its taking me cause the "i dunno"s i get when i am trying to answer things scare me.

Most of you might just say, "cel, you are always not happy with where you are in which job you do?" but i guess most of you dun understand how its like to get paid below the taxable salary, flying all around living out of a suitcase not knowing where you future is heading.

I guess i've just been brought up to know where you stand in life and to plan where you are going so this Cinaman way of business is beyong my comprehension.

ok ok ok.....it isnt that bad.....i am PMSing and a girl is entitled to PMS and hate everything in her life at the moment even the way her hair looks or something blahh like that!