life; time; love

I havent written in a while but certian events in my life recently has left me flustered.
I didnt know what to write.
I didnt know what to say.
I didnt want to confront the happenings in my life,

You know sometimes, when we just let things by and let time slide, we go into a trance we refuse to step out of.
The trance of denial.

I was in China for a month and a half for work and my life fell apart.
I don't blame him.
I dont blame me.
At the start i just wanted to point my finger at someone, something.
Then i realise, there was nothing to point at, this is something that is happening.
It was gradual then it happened and i am powerless to stop it.

To love someone and to slowly lose your grasp on that love.
To feel your mind and body slowly letting go but yet your heart betrays you as it latches on to the remnance of what is left.

Certain events are carving my future just stringing me along.
I am at a point where i no longer know if yes this is what i want to do, or this is what i should do.

Last night i got a text "i love you....you and i both know it. Nights"
Even typing it out now my tears forms and trickle down.
I know you love me and i love you
BUT
the sand of time marches to a different tune.

"Sometimes you don't end up with the person who rocks your world"