fiCkle minded bla blahs

I have been known to suffer the worse case of

FICKLE MINDED-ness

&

I feel of late, its been getting worse.

Is it a form of mental disease?

great! just what i need to add to my charming character

MENTALLY UNSTABLE

. . . D E N I A L . . .

. . . D E N I A L . . .

So, my born day is coming round the corner

&

in an earlier post i mentioned

i wanted a MacDonalds party

for the fun of it,

to deny aging.

In your 20s, nothing hits you as much until you reach around 27,

everyone is getting married

or popping kids out like a factory.

i always tell them;

"i'd be that eccentric aunty all your kids love"

kinda like a female Christian Troy [Nip/Tuck]

What about the one who doesnt wanna have to

grow up yet?

- ME -

Don't get me wrong,

my bestfriend is getting married

and i can't be happier for her.

Sometimes i know i am childish,

Sometimes i just think i am,

Sometimes i am not

Its just that most of the time i wish

i had people around me

who werent in such a rush to grow up.

So may luvly friend Rutti has decided

to throw me a PARTY!

My party where we remain young....

for just a little while longer

i'm so eXcited

*bops up & down my chair*

Since no booze is allowed,

Maccas is out of the picture for the venue;

and

Rutti goes "i know, we'll have it at my extra apartment!"

There will be...

MacDonalds

Balloons

Ice Cream

Pressies

Musical Chairs

Pass the Parcel

Pin the Pony's tail

Booze & substances

&

a Penis Pinata

YES you heard right!

Quite a confused era burfday;

Games ala 5 yrs old

Apartment stay ala 15 yrs old

Booze and what nots ala 20 yrs old

i guess at 27 i'm just confused & in denial?

Heart over matter..

They always say follow your head, not your heart

but its your head that takes you to these places

while your heart stays faithful.

- Being Aja

I fully agree with that statement above.

Hence why i understand why man cheat,

and why some woman follow the same course of action.

You know this is "The One" you love,

but yet, you always want something else as well.....

AND that is your head speaking, not your heart.

One's heart always remains true,

while it is the head that wanders.

BUT i guess in different scenarios,

it is best to listen to the head and not the heart?

e.g.

Like the person who was cheated on,

would he/she follow the heart,

the love for the Cheater;

Or,

follow the head,

"if they do it to you once, they could do it again"

I guess its hard to have a guideline for this things,

BUT I agree.....

Always follow your heart-

its where you to do things

you never thought you would;

its where you draw the strength

you never knew you had;

its who you really are

and what you really want;

its where magic happens...

----------------------------------------

For those of you, post break up,

you might disagree and feel that it should be "mind over matter".

"I have to get over him/her" "I have to get him/her back!"

But maybe its all about expanding your horizons,

expand your mind to listen closer to your heart...

for maybe your heart doesntjust stop at saying -

"but i love her/him...so much...." "i hurt so much....." " i hate him/her"

Maybe if you open your mind and listen further

your heart is telling you,

"you have loved & been loved,

it was magic,

but now it is time to move on, to grow..."

dop!

Exactly a year ago i wrote about the tickles

*click* Turn back time Post - When we get the tickles

[Disclaimer : wait, for those who is gonna get antsy and think, shit, she is such a bitch she's got a man and here she is talking about getting the tickles from other guys - my man totally gets wut i mean, he gets his tickles too]

So i was tra la la-ing along my day when i realised i miss getting the tickles.
You know, the rush the feeling that makes you swoon and giggle.
When there is that someone who calls you and sets you off.
This doesnt have to be the someone you are in love with.
It isnt even the one to see yourself with but still, they manage to give you the tickles.

I havent had the tickles for a while....there were the regular few but i guess,

they don't work no more.

Maybe there is a "best before date" to this kinda things.
Specially if you don;t end up with them, how long can mindless flirting last.

So here i was telling an ex about how i miss the tickles.

AND he calls me and says

So, don't i give you the tickles?

Man did he give me the tickles then.

Did i mention, this is THE ex.

I told him "yea, sometimes you do, most of the time ...nahhh"

You see, the way the tickles works is that the person has to be into you and vice-versa.

With THE ex most of the time, i layan sendiri then tra la la i go, "who what how when?" pfftt...and forget he exist.

BUT occasionally when he does call or text, i dont just get the tickles, i get the rush.. basically i get the whole "shhBANG"
I stutter, my mind is racing, i dunno what to say i get tongue tied and everytime the call ends i go "ugh...dop!!"

So what is it that he gives me, he gives me the "ughh....dop!!"

Over the weekend

I have to say, this weekend has been the first that i have enjoyed in a while.

My weekends hardly aspire to anything but this weekend catching up with some old friends and some new ones was awesome.

I got my magic bus.

I worshipped the sun.

I swam.

I had good food.

BUT best of all....

I had my good pals.

What cancer cannot do...

Cancer is so limited...

It cannot cripple love,

It cannot corrode faith,

It cannot destroy peace,

It cannot kill friendship,

It cannot suppress memories,

It cannot silence courage,

It cannot invade the soul,

It cannot steal eternal life,

It cannot conquer the spirit,

AND

It cannot shatter HOPE

i stumbled upon a dream

Most of you who knows me would have often heard me say "I believe that marriage is not a necessity. I'm not a motherly person, i'm too selfish. i mean if you have kids, you lose your own life... e.g. Bang&Olufsen vs. Kids College Fund. If after working hard through the year and you wanna pack up and go live on an island for a month, if you have kids, whats gonna happen??"

So trust me when i say its weird that i dreamt that i gave birth to a little girl. It was weird but hey its a dream, she was conceived through IVF or some method as such and i gave birth to her in 5 months. When i first held her in my arms i thought, yea ok, she is kinda cute, but as i held her she became cuter & cuter. Her eyes were so big and her eyelashes was so long. However, as i held her i realised, i didnt want her. I REGRETed having her. And thats when i woke up.

Its kinda scary, cause a person who has foresight once told me, "You will have one child and it will be a girl" and even scarier than that is that i often get deja vu....you know that feeling where you did something you dreamt of, yea...

I remember when i use to tell people what i believe.... no marriage...selfish....no kids....bla bla blah, they use to say to me "Thats what you say but when you hold onto your own baby, your own flesh and blood, then you would want her and love her no matter what and your motherly instincts would just kick in".

You see, I have to say that i have in the past few months felt more of this so called motherly instinct. When i see kids outside i gush and go "AwWWw...look baby, that kid is so cute". And at those moments, i thought maybe i made my decision on not having a kid to early. Maybe its cause i work for my family now and i see all these cute clothes for kids [f.y.i. the family business is Children Clothes], so i wish i had my own. I actually thought, "Hey, why not eh?"

Then i dreamt the dream i did.

It was a warning.

It reminded me of what i wanted in life.

It brought me back to reality.

Yes, kids are cute.

Yes, i wish i would know how my kid would look.

BUT

At the end of the day, i wouldnt want any regrets.

I guess some of us work differently than others.

I dont have to feel guilty for not wating to have kids. Not wanting to get married.