L I F E

Of late my life has taken a rough ride downhill on super high speed.

At first i was just mulling in depression.

Then i tried to pick myself up and move on.

Things happen for a reason.

Someone came into my life to move me from this shelf at the down low to another shelf... but hey at least i moved.

Then someone i could actually like...actually finding myself fond of came into my life to make me realise i've become a needy desperate kind of person who i never was.

But then again, i thought, maybe i already was spiralling down that desperate path before i met you.

Maybe i came out of the factory line defected.

Why force yourself to move on when mentally and emotionally it isnt happening.

Now i am frustrated....lonely....and worse is that i feel this empty void inside me which i am starting to fill by stuffing my face.

Then i realised, i was more at peace being depressed. Well then again, i didnt have to work then so maybe it was easier to stay in my cocoon of weed wine and happy pills.

You see.....everyone tells you life gets better. You grow up thinking life gets better.

Ok...not that i want to be the epitome of all negativity, but, living for 28 years as each year goes by....
i notice life doesnt get better....it usually just gets worse.
So i'm going to stop telling myself that life gets better, because that is an expectation and definitely one setting you for massive downfall.
So if you down expect, then you dont get disappointed, then you would be able to deal with the reality of life.
That it doesnt get better, you just have to learn how to deal with life.

I've had enough of all those perky blah blahs -
"You don't know whats gonna happen"
"Something is gonna surprise you"
"wait for the surprises life has in store for you"

True i don't know what is gonna happen in life, but i know it isnt going to get better....
L I F E . . . Just deal with it

Negativity

I am a negative person, so i've been told.

Truth is, i don't have to be told this to know it.

Thing is though, i never use to be.

I use to believe, if i want this, i can make it happen. And i normally do.

But now, i automatically, assume the worse of a scenario but then again, can you blame me?
With recurring occurences, where BAD is the norm, negativity becomes a habit.

And habits are hard to quit.