her LAST night OUT

This is an occasion we have all waited for,

One of our best pals soon a single no more!

This last day of the September,

For dinner and drinks we gather,

To say "au revoir" to May's last days of singledom,

As she enters the holy matrimony of marriage kingdom.

I'm so excited,

not only cause its my best pal's hens nite BUT

because all us girls havent been together-gether for at least a yr since may left last year

May is back

Aja is back

Wish Trace was here

Hope szuf can make it

BUT its gonna be perfect!

Check in next week to catch fabphotos of the party!

I thought enuff with the depressing issues and onwards to happier thoughts

Marriage Mayhem

sometimes we dont know who reads our blog

and we dont know how affected they might be

a friend of mine read my blog

as i went through my depressing phase

unknown to me it made her contemplate her marriage

but i hope reading my blog has also made her realise

that i chose to be with him

when you get married,

you make vows

to be there for each other in sickness & in health

like the picture above -

you walk together hand in hand footsteps combined through the storm

then the sun will shine and things will be fine when you stick together

for those who do not take marriage lightly

you must believe in your "we" alot to get married

so have faith in your "we" again

i dont believe in marriages

i choose to be with him

because if i have to i rather have bad times with him

than good times with someone else

simple as that

things may seem really bad

and i know love alone isnt enough

BUT keep in mind

it is the most important ingredient

a mended hEart

Some of my closer friends have approached me and told me i m crossing over the line to psycho. NOt like crazy...but i am unstable and that i should seek professional help? BUT lets not get into that.


SO maybe the problem is me....ok ok...the problem IS ME. I initiated all this craziness and all.
AND maybe he just pushed me over the tip.


YEa he is a sweet nice guy BUT come on at the end of the day he is still a GUY.
i don't blame him.
he is only 22 been with me since he was 18....i m sure he'd like to have other experiences and it doesnt mean he doesnt love me. ITS all about timing.
SO he flirted with other girls i dont mind BUT i hate it that he hid it from me when i told him to just be open with me and everything is fine.


I felt something amidst and the psycho in me blew everything out of proportion.


I know everyone reckons we shouldnt be together and that we arent compatible BUT he wants to give it another try AND he has been sticking to me through all this blow out because he wants to be with me...forever. AND he is really trying.


The normal PSYCHO ME would say no, if he is trying its no natural blah blah blah....BUT a friends of mine told me "You always find the wrongs in the rights"
SO i decided since its ALL ME...I AM THE ONE THAT HAS TO CHANGE.


I have to learn to be contented and happy with myself and everything else. I have to learn and accept that i am afraid to lose him and that i am not the iron strong chick i am and that i can be jealous and paranoid.


HOW can i say no to the only guy who i ever saw in my future?

.

He didnt have my photo on friendster because he wanted chicks to check him out and "khang tao"

Then, he said, no because i couldnt upload any photos! Funny when the rest of all his photos are from me!

then he said because he didnt see any he liked

i went crazy

who wouldnt

i broke everything i tore everything

now there we no longer have a past

he looked sad sure..

BUT he'd be over it....in about 2 minutes

i broke the snow globe he gave me

i tore the book he made me

i tore our photos and broke the frames

he saved the necklace he bougt me

i threw everything else away

Now everything he did that ever made me happy is gone

So no longer is there a reason to hold on!

i know you people think i over-reacted

i knowmost of you pity him

i know most of you side him

BUT really....he isnt that great.

it hurts so much

i know its stoopid but i still love him

Rate my level : PSYCHO or Normal?

Sometimes i wonder if it is me.

Rutti says that "i am the one that is unhappy, therefore i am the one with the problem"

and i do agree with her cause i figured i am quite the drama queen.

BUT i do wonder if it is all ME that went wrong.

So rate me and tell me,

do i get dissappointed and hurt because

i expect too much from him?

SCENARIO

So things have been really bad with us of late...and last night we had a talk a bout it, more like i rambled on and pause hoping he'd say something and he doesn't.

Anyway, last nite...

after we had a talk bout how i feel like he doesnt make an effort anymore,

like how he use to text me every morning n stuff like dat and now nuthing,

how he use to give me the 'last call of the day' thing...and no more

how it makes me feel like he doesnt care anymore....

After all the talking, he went home....n i was waited or his call....

[for the past few weeks everytime i'd call him n ask "how come u din call yet" and he sayd

"i just got home...gonna shower ready to sleep then i will call u"]

so this time i didnt call n i waited....he use to call me every night....


AND all i got was a text that said "i m going to sleep, nite"


i was so dissappointed i really went loco....

cause after all the talk and our delicate scenario....

he still didnt make the effort.

I ended it last night.

I don't see the love from him anymore.

Once earlier, he stopped loving me.

It should have ended then.

I did.

But he wanted to try again.

Now he doesnt tell me he stopped loving me,

opposite,

he tells me still if not why would he bother coming over everytime after work even when he is so tired.

Maybe, he just comes over out of obligation.

Example , 'Finish work MUST go find gf"

not WANT but MUST

Maybe thats the whole problem.

This has become a habitual obligatory relationship?

RE : My post "Things that make you tingle"

Find a guy, who calls you beautiful instead of hot. He doesnt say either.

Who calls you back when you hang up on him. The only thing on the list he still does

Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. He always fell asleep first on the few times he actually stayed

Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead. He use to do that.

Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats. ?

Who holds your hand in front of his friends. NEVER EVER HELD MY HANDS IN FRONT OF THEM

Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. He hardly ever says any of this. Maybe never.

Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says...that's her." HE NEVER EVEN HELD MY HANDS.

i know most of you said "No one gets the perfect scores and no such guy exist"

I agree.

BUT DO YOU KNOW THE PAIN OF

HAVING YOUR BF JUST DROP YOUR HAND AND

LEAVE YOU ONE SIDE AS

HE WALKS OVER AND SAYS "HI" TO HIS FRIENDS.

I know you guys are only getting my side of this, but...
So am i psycho?
Did i over-react?
Was i a drama queen?


If he cares enough he would have visited my blog right? and he could give his view.
BUT YOU SEE, HE DOESNT EVEN CARE ENOUGH TO DO THIS.

Why is it written into our generic codes or something that we need to find someone?

It seems as though we can't be happy if it is just "me"

I use to be just "me" for a long while and i was way happier

Then suddenly in a blink of an eye i became a "we" when you didnt want it.

Then another blink of an eye its been 4 years and its all over and you get thinking -

"i wish there was someone else to hold my attention"

A while back my girlfriend and i were chatting and she said,

"I hate it that i am finally happy now only because of a someone"

"I hate that i am only moving and changing only because of a someone"

As much as we are an individual, eventually you end up depending on the other person.

AND that my friends is when you learn of dissappoinment.

BUT this is all no other's fault but our own.

I gave that other person the ability to hurt me so.

I handed him the reins.

SO, after all the heartache and trouble....

it makes me think

Yes, it is nice to be cuddled and loved.
BUT there are dissaponments and pain.
Yes, it is nice to have the last call of the day.
BUT what about when they don't need it?

WHY DO WE NEED A SOMEONE?

if it was as easy - PUSH THIS BUTTON TO...

I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hate you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HATE HATE HATE HATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I HATE YOU FOR NOT LOVING ME................

H A T E

Torn Apart

futureless
Originally uploaded by frou fr0u.

Earlier in our journey i saw us together,
There was this pretty picture,
The picture of our future,
But this picture is now no longer forever.

No one knows the real you,
They think you are so true,
No one remembers when you said "i no longer love u",
When i remind them they say its untrue.

To me it is very real,
i never knew the pain i now feel,
Where its numb but yet it hurts,
To me this is the first.

Say "Goodbye" and leave me alone,
I know what you did i first condone,
But now please just leave me alone,
The future is now shown.

Just rip out this heart of mine,
Our future torn apart,
I wish i could turn back time,
and never let all this start.

his lips were sealed

his lips were sealed
Originally uploaded by frou fr0u.

He said his lips were sealed,
He told me he gave me the key,
But here is the deal,
He sealed his lips but not on me.

Experience : a name men give their mistakes

Things that makes you tinGLe

his point of view
Originally uploaded by frou fr0u.

Find a guy, who calls you beautiful instead of hot.

Who calls you back when you hang up on him.

Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead.

Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.

Who holds your hand in front of his friends.

Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.

Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says...that's her."

silent tears

silent tears
Originally uploaded by frou fr0u.

my silent tears they fall,
my silent tears within these walls,
my silent tears are for our tomorrows,
my silent tears birthed from such sad sorrows.

They tell me that i am strong, they couldnt be more wrong.
You know the pain one feels....hmm....mebe it isnt pain..... more like an ache....in your heart your chest your throat.....and you tense up and yell to get rid of the aching numbing feeling.

I have been walking around with this feeling for the past few months and of late...call it PMS or whatever you may....this all feels so raw and intensified.

Most of you that knows me, knows my relationship....and knows my boy.
Most of you....love him as much as i do.
Then why break up right?

I know deep down i don't want to end this relationship and of course i still love him, how can i be with someone for 4 years and not love that person.
BUT my logical side comes in.....how can i be with someone....who doesnt hold me like i wish him to....kiss me for no reason....and touch me with that "i love you so much i just need to touch you" touch.

I only have that much strength to ask him to leave...to end this relationship. BUT he keeps on coming back and he keeps on telling me he loves me and wants to be with me forever...LOMF....love of my life....
I just don't see the point.
Why be together when we are more friends than anything else?
We have no passion.
I still feel the passion for him.....but on his side....its dead.
Now he says i am slowly pushing him away.....
YES because i want to end it.

Its easier to end it than to solve it when you are solving it alone. It takes both hands to clap. If i never said anything, he would think our passionless affectionateless relationship is normal and he'd be happy trotting along.
My strength has run out.....i am so worn out....so tired....with a numbing ache....

I want this all to end with one astounding impossible pain....
better than the slow numbing ache that slowly builds and drives me crazy...

FABphotos are UP!

Ok...i know they are like 2 months overdue...but at least i got em up...i figured....with May's Hens night...and her weddingS...yes with an S...cause there are 2 weddings....i decided if i didnt blog this now i've never blog it.

www.fabphotos.blogspot.com

and yes yes, i know i never write anymore...i just don't have the time with all this running around....so lets make do with the photos first....

AND ja....we missed you gazillions when we were there....
would have been perfect with you...ah may....and ah vans...